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Mark Goldbridge absolutely loses it and goes into sweary rant as Man Utd lose 4-0 to Crystal Palace

Mark Goldbridge absolutely loses it and goes into a sweary rant raging as Man Utd lose 4-0 to an impressive Crystal Palace side.

Michael Olise scored twice, with Tyrick Mitchell and Jean-Philippe Mateta also on scoresheet, with Mark Goldbridge trashing his studio in anger.

The game on Monday was supposed to be Man Utd’s chance to secure a spot in Europe, but instead, fans witnessed one of the team’s worst performances this season.

United’s gameplay was chaotic throughout, as Palace effortlessly broke through their midfield and defence. 

After the first Palace goal, he said: “Oh, my God. 1-0. I mean, the defending here is an absolute joke. An absolute fucking joke. I mean, that goal belongs in the fucking pub car park. It’s fucking rubbish. Absolute fucking rubbish. I mean, this goal is. It’s like my dead gran defending this. It’s fucking. I know we’re gonna lose. I’m not gonna lose my shit, but. And, you know, we’re gonna defend badly, but this is fucking rubbish. It’s from a throw in. He picks it up. Casemiro jumps and tackles fucking Casper the ghost. Mainoo’s nowhere in… I mean, it’s just fucking rubbish. That. That is absolute shite. Absolute shite.

When it went 2-0: And they’re ruining what, what football is. 2-0 to Palace. 2-0 to Palace. I don’t know how. I don’t know how. I give up. I give up, I give up, I give up. I mean, how. How is Onana been beaten from fucking there? How’s an Onana been beat from there? See, I need to see the angle on this. How has he got fucking beaten from there? Cuz I presume it’s Casemiro who gets fucking skinned again. Let me just watch this back,. Yeah. Eriksen. Fucking useless. Oh, Jonny Evans. How do you get beat from here? Near post. Fucking hell. He’s absolutely rubbish. How’s he got done on his near post from here? How’s he got done on his near post from there? If this was on a FIFA career mode, I’d be moaning about Canadian coders. How has he got. How has he got done on his near post there? Jesus wept. Mate, this is religious shit. This is rubbish, mate. You’re fucking crap. You are crap.

On Palace’s third goal: Oh oh oh. He’s given a foul. What the fuck? If you give a foul for this, you’re an absolute prick. You fucking prick. What are you talking about? Arsenal do this all the time. No, no, no. That’s not a fucking foul, mate. That is not a foul. Burnley, Trafford, same fucking ball. That’s no fucking foul. No way. That’s a foul. No fucking way. No fucking way. Absolute fucking joke. I’ve had it. I’ve had it with Howard Webb. You’re an absolute fucking cheat, mate. You’re an absolute fucking cheat. You’re joking. You’re absolutely fucking joking. No way. Absolute joke. Absolute joke. No way. Is that a bloody foul. No way. I’m not having it. I’m not having that. I’m not having that. No. Fuck. That’s a disgrace. That is an absolute disgrace. Burnley, Luton, January, James, Trafford. Bullshit. They’re changing the rules every bloody month. That is a joke. An absolute joke. Disgusting. Disgusting. They are a bloody joke. I tell you what, that fucking podcast tomorrow is going off. Switch these fucking cheats off. Abs. I’m not. I don’t care anymore. I do not care anymore. Burnley, Luton, go and look at it. Go and look at it. Howard Webb, disgrace. You’re a bloody disgrace, mate. You’re a bloody disgrace. Howard Webb, Burnley, Luton, James Trafford. You changed the bloody rules, mate. You changed the bloody rules. You said you can push into a fucking goalkeeper and you’ve changed it again. You’re a bloody disgrace. You’re a bloody disgrace. That is a 50/50 challenge with two people going up with a fucking elbow, with their fucking shoulders and you’ve turned it over. You’re a bloody cheat. You’re a bloody cheat. Absolute disgrace. This is meant to be the best league in the world. It’s meant to be the best league in the world. It’s a fucking pub league, mate. It’s a pub league. You’re a joke. You’re running a bloody joke. That is a joke. I want Arsenal fans. I want Liverpool fans. I even want Man City fans. This is our beautiful game. That is a bloody joke. That is not a foul. That is not a foul. Arsenal have done that multiple times this season. That is a joke. I’m telling you now. An absolute joke. An absolute joke. That is a disgrace. That is a disgrace. Every bloody football fan should be calling that out.

On Palace’s fourth: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it’s 4-0. I mean, Onana’s fucking shit. I need to see this again. He’s fucking shit. Like, he’s. Like he’s. Can I just say this? He’s fucking shit. If this is anywhere near as bad as I think it is, he’s fucking shite. How has Onana let this in? I mean. Oh, surprise, surprise. It’s Casemiro involved again. Yeah, lazy Casemiro again. I mean, fucking out. Look at Casemiro here. He’s on the fucking beach.com. What the fuck is he doing there? Right? Oh, my God. Onana is a bloody joke. He’s an absolute joke.

Man Utd manager Erik ten Hag feels the squad are still playing for him, saying: “Yes, I’m sure. They have the right intention. They were eager from the start. Once we were playing, we didn’t perform as individuals or a team.

“We have only four defeats so far [in 2024]. All season, we have big problems. All the time, there was a team with fighting spirit that was hard to beat. Today, we were easy to beat.”

Ten Hag admitted that his players have “let each other down” and when questioned about how they defended Olise’s opening goal, he said: “There was a script and they didn’t follow that. Professionals shouldn’t allow this because it was so easy.

“Five players over the ball when they have a throw-in. It’s not the first time this happens. We have young players but they should take responsibility there.”

Oliver Glasner congratulated his Crystal Palace players for their performance but admitted: “The first half, we didn’t really play well. We opened the middle too often and they could find the pockets, but we were very efficient so we scored very nice goals.

“At half-time, we made two or three adaptions and the players listened. Second half, it was much better, we had much more control, created a lot of chances and scored nice goals. It’s a great win.”

Glasner – who was only appointed in February – added: “Good players, good team spirit and good fans – but always stay humble. It’s not so long ago we were just five points away from relegation.

“The players have confidence. We are doing well but we still have a lot to improve.

“All the credit to the character of the players. They trusted us from the first day, listened, tried and worked really hard in training, and now they get their reward.”

Twitter users reacted as Mark Goldbridge absolutely loses it and goes into a sweary rant as Man Utd lose 4-0 to Crystal Palace…

@lpatz80: The way he casually drops in ‘it’s 3-0 to Palace’ without changing his tone is masterful 🤣

@KJAH_JUNGLIST: Doesn’t even break his stride. Perfect comedy timing

@Stillmanator: I didn’t think he could top the Curtis’ dead gran bit…

@AK4INSURANCE: It’s David Brentesque

@Jxmes88: I’m crying here 😂🤣😂

@Celtic1312: Gervais and Merchant couldn’t of written that opening line any better 🤣🤣🤣🤣 comedy gold.

@Northamp_Eagle: It couldn’t have happened to a better person! #CPFC

@thatmarkgodfrey: This is his best work yet. See-saws from shithouse to genius.

@DPBNE: love him or hate him this fella gives us some absolute fucking beauties.

@david9potts: This superb, comedy timing the way he just drops it in “and 3 nil to palace” whilst defending his noncing allegations hahahaaahhahaha

@ScapaSteve: This guy needs to do stand-up. That’s really decent comic timing

@Den_AFC: Best of them all for sure. His tone & calmness throughout, it’s brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Winter1878: Pure comedy gold this 🤣🤣

@deagz91jnr: Never mind the noncing accusations…. we’re 💩 😄 🤣

@TheJWright96: There isn’t a comedian on the planet who could write anything close to being as funny as this

@Den_AFC: Fuck sake 🤣🤣🤣

@DannyPenney: My man 🤣🤣🤣 never change! The highlight of my weekend every time this twat

@brims83: This is brilliant, a must see 😂😂

@A_Lewington97: Why’s this sound like something out of the office 😂😂

@LiamHill6: Goldbridge is officially broken.

@JayCurrell: Proper made me laugh that hahah

@HeftyEnforcer: I don’t give a fuck what anyone has to say about Mark Goldbridge because in my mind he’s genuinely one of the funniest guys on this app, which takes some beating. He’s a real life David Brent, but funnier

@neilsherwin: He’s peaked 😂

@TSFulham: Fuck me this might be the best one ever 😂

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