3rd) ROCHDALE
The guide said: “Take in the smells – the strong whiff of tobacco and fatty foods with subtle hints of exhaust fumes, sweat and damp vegetables from the market area; see if you can detect a undertone of vomit, Karate aftershave and old cheese.
“No need to hide the rolls of fat around one’s midriff, no need to bother with personal hygiene or inconveniences such as makeup or combs. You are now standing in the centre of the universe. Breath deep my friend, soak it up. Then make your choice – leave fast or stay forever.
“Welcome to the cesspit of the universe, where evolution took a break and spat out this breed of useless slack-jawed yokels with less IQ than a glass of water
“You have a choice, visit Rochdale or have your gonads beaten 800 times with a rusty sledgehammer wielded by a German bodybuilder… I’ll get the hammer.”
2nd) HUDDERSFIELD
The guide said: “There’s nothing but pound shops and a few coffee shops. It’s polluted, unclean and full of idiots. It’s a horrible place to live.
“Huddersfield it’s a rough, boring, chavvy, crap hole.
“For a demo of the c**v scooterists trying to impress the scummy lady c***s simply go and look in the Morrisons car park from about 7pm onwards, thousands of the cretins, unfortunately they never seem to fall off.
“So in short if you like your car windows, teeth, kneecaps etc. then avoid this s******e like you would a man with leprosy! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!”
1st) PETERBOROUGH
The guide said: “One thing to bear in mind, if booking a weekend get away in Peterborough, it is customary if a stranger holds eye contact with you for more than three seconds, to shout “WHAT”??? and become extremely aggressive.
“I lived in Peterborough for 15 years and all I can say is wow. what a f*****g DUMP
“They are without doubt some of the most aggressive, miserable, backwards, negative people I have ever come across.
“The atmosphere in Peterborough is draining. You feel totally isolated from the rest of the world and life in general, as though everything else is going on and you’re not part of it as you’re stuck in this dump.
“Take a trip into the town centre and it’s like walking onto the set of the Walking dead. Every manner of inbred mutant adorns the streets.”
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