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England’s top 10 ‘crap towns’ according to poll

The new season is very close and with fans planning which away days to go on, we’ve checked out the annual ‘crap towns’ poll which was voted on recently.

At football matches, you will no doubt hear the shithole chant, and it seems some of these might fit that very statement… not according to us may we add.

Around 50,000 votes were cast on website ilivehere.co.uk, which claims these are the least inspiring towns and cities of England (be prepared for some seriously brutal reviews, eek!)…


The guide said: “If you live here, I’m sorry for you – and if you haven’t ever been here, then stay away.

“[The] estates make Syria look calm, you can guarantee if you dare to walk down these downtrodden dogshit ridden estates (mind the needles), you will almost certainly spot the inhabitants walking freely in dressing gowns, fluffy slippers, undoubtedly pregnant, with a fag in their gob going to pick up another free prescription from the overly used clap clinic.

“Drug dealers, dole wasters, bums, guttersnipes, fallen women, young slappers and their steroid pumped teenage boyfriends. It’s a f*cking nightmare! A cross between ‘Shameless’ and the Star Wars canteen at best.”



The guide said: “I think Oldham was best summed up by a friend of mine who upon a visit to this fair town one day remarked, that the people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area.

“Once on [an Oldham bus] you may have to wait a while for the bus to set off, it’s common for the bus driver to have to remind at least one person that you cannot travel without paying.

“If you want culture and sophistication, then one should look no further than Yorkshire street and the local shopping centres, where Sports Direct is the new Hugo Boss and TJ Hughes is the new Harrods.”



The guide said: “Recent highly scientific research (namely walking down the high street) points to one in three inhabitants below the age of 30 fitting neatly into the c**v box.

“In a town where everybody is a blood relative of the person next to them, you have to wonder whether the essence of chavdom stems from bad breeding, or in the case of Castleford, possible interbreeding.

“A trip to Castleford is a real eye opener… and you need to keep your eyes open because if you dare to close them, they’d have your wallet faster than you could say ‘XR3i.’

“Suffice to say, if someone wanted to give Yorkshire an enema, this is where they’d stick the tube.”


We continue to look at the results of the top 10 ‘crap English towns/cities’ according to a poll – find out who is 7th to 5th on the next page.


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