David Coote on ‘dark days’, reveals he feels ashamed on incidents, drug use and Klopp comment

What’s it like for you being at the centre of a huge tabloid story?

Harder than I can probably express. In the first instances, it was a real shock and then as things gathered pace in terms of other stories that came to light, it was really, really hard.

In that moment and in those first days, they were really dark because I felt embarrassed and ashamed at what I’ve done over the course of time and yeah, it was really, really tough. The situation that I found myself in meant that I really had to rely on people’s support to get me through.

Otherwise, genuinely, I don’t know that I’d be here.

You talk about not being here. What do you mean by that?

In that first week, I had suicidal thoughts and I didn’t get close to acting on those but at that time, that was really tough and a lot of people spoke to me and reached out to me on a frequent basis, daily basis because they were concerned about my welfare which I was grateful to them for.

A lot of things that I really regret either doing or saying and they all came to light in the space of a week or so, when in fact, a lot of them were over the course of four or five years ago and in my head, I’d put them to bed and I’d put them to one side and forgotten they even existed. To then find myself facing what they were just reignited some really difficult times and some really tough thoughts.

On November 11, the video was released into the public domain with you and a friend. I know you’ve spoken a lot about that video. One thing that was mentioned was Jurgen Klopp’s nationality and that’s one of the criticisms of the video. That’s not been addressed yet. Why hasn’t it been addressed?

I’m not too sure, If I’m honest. I’m more than happy to address it and what I did say and I maintain is I said things that I didn’t mean and that’s the adjective of using the country where Jurgen originates. It was not something that I meant and not something that I feel. My grandmother on my mum’s side is German and I really regret using, I regret everything that I said but I particularly regret using those words.

You must look back now and think how did that even happen? How did I allow myself to be recorded in that manner?

Of course, ultimately I’ve paid a real price for that. I’ve taken responsibility for that from the very outset of course and I understood the seriousness in the first instance immediately as I was made aware of the publication of the video and to that extent I understood and accepted my fate immediately, with the PGMOL as well.

I want to take ownership of my actions. I think that’s important. I want to apologise to those who are offended by what I said and were offended but I want to now try and live my life to the values that are truly me and to the best of my ability moving forward and I want to try and move on from what has been a really difficult time and hope I’m able to do so.

A number of videos surfaced, one of those where you were using substances after a European game. For those people that say your drug use affected your ability to make clear and concise decisions during matches, big matches, what would your response to them be?

I can understand why they may think that way. However, I do want to make it clear that this was really personal for me. It was around my responses to coping with pressure and it was post-game without an implication on my work.

I don’t condone it for one instance of course. I regret taking those actions. I made really poor choices at that time. There were times when I escaped to a place that I really don’t want to go back to.

Can you understand how damaging that could have been for the PGMOL and how much that could potentially damage the game?

To be effectively publicly humiliated by those videos appearing so the consequence to my personal reputation, for people close to me who didn’t know that that’s what I did, has been really severe and I understand the damage that that could have done reputationally on a wider scale of course as well but none of my colleagues were aware.

I don’t have the hiding place and that’s part of the reason why it was important to determine and to come out and say my sexuality, to say that I’m gay because I’m now living my life as me, as the authentic version of me that doesn’t have the hidden side that I’ve had to suppress and it’s genuinely felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, a huge relief and I feel in a much stronger place personally on the on the back of it even in the first few weeks.

I’ve been using therapy for many years and that has had some successes but it’s been in really pinch moments and where things have come to a head or there’s not been an opportunity to use coping mechanisms in a healthy way that has led me to behaviours that when I look on now I’m really quite ashamed of and that I obviously I regret but I don’t recognise as me.

You’re the centre of this big storm in the world of football, people are talking about you, your headline news, what was that like for you being at home, being trapped, maybe worrying about even leaving the house? Can you give us an insight into perhaps those moments ‘I have to take that step, I have to get on with my life?’

It was really difficult, I didn’t want to leave the house because I felt everybody would be judging me. I felt that every which way I looked people were looking at me and thinking what’s he done, why has he done that, he’s let himself down, he’s let other people down, he’s let his colleagues, his friends, his family down.

I went shopping and for the first time everywhere I was looking in the supermarket I felt that everybody was watching me or was looking at me and judging me and I had a panic attack in one of the aisles and had to take some deep breaths. I got to the checkout and the woman on the checkout then said something really nice to me and I hope you’re okay, you appear to have been through a tough time and I just welled up, I broke down in tears and I thought that I have to keep getting out there now because if I just stay in my house then this is only going to get worse.

So I decided that I needed to go to the gym. I decided at that point that I was going to train and do a half marathon, that half marathon changed into a marathon when I registered for the Rob Burrow Leeds Marathon, but there was a reason for that which is my uncle was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and that was in the summer of 2023 at the time when my mum passed away.

With what you’ve been through, so many times I bet you wish you could have reached out to your mum and just spoke to her and she could have just given you the support that perhaps no one else could have done through some of the most difficult times of your life.

Yeah, I’ve been to visit where her ashes are scattered and yeah of course I do. My family have been great but I miss my mum terribly and you know anybody who’s lost anybody close to them I guess will understand that.

But I feel like I’ve let people down and I wish she’d been here to support me but equally I’m pleased that she’s not seen what I’ve been through either because I’m pretty ashamed of that.