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Former Derby, Luton, Newport player retired age 27 with depression and PTSD from heart issue

Former Derby, Luton, Newport player Mark O’Brien retired age 27 with depression and it weren’t helped by having PTSD from a heart issue.

He suffered from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the heart issue which forced his career to come to a premature end in 2020.

He tried to come to terms with what happened, O’Brien saying, as per BBC Sport: “I remember not wanting to get out of bed.

“[I remember] not wanting to walk up two flights of stairs to my apartment anymore, so I never left the apartment.

“I’d get told by the doctors ‘you need to get out and walk’ and I was saying ‘nah, I’ll go out tomorrow’.

“That’s when it kind of hit me and I had to have the cardiac rehab people tell me that I was depressed. I never knew what depression was.

“I had health anxiety. I never knew what that was. They said ‘Mark, you’ve got PTSD’ – never knew what that was.

“All these different things were happening as well as dealing with retirement from football, basically losing my life, not being able to have the will to get out of bed, not having a single bit of fitness.”

O’Brien first underwent heart surgery when he was 16 and says his career was always on borrowed time as a result.

As a teenager he chose to have a pigskin valve inserted, rather than a mechanical one, so that he could fulfil a dream of playing professional football.

O’Brien, who also played for the likes of Derby County, Motherwell, Southport and Luton Town, made more than 100 appearances for Newport after joining them in 2017 and his first goal was an 89th-minute winner in a 2–1 victory at home to Notts County, which ensured Newport’s survival in League Two on the final day of the season in the same year.

He first had panic attacks whilst waiting for the operation which signalled the end of his playing career – then struggled during a lengthy stay in hospital which came during the pandemic.

“I spent four weeks in hospital, no family or anything, walking up and down corridors building up my fitness,” he told BBC Radio Wales Sport.

“I lost two stone, I came out low on confidence, low on everything, just completely wiped.

“There was so much on my plate that I just didn’t know how to deal with it. I ended up developing really bad panic attacks where I’d wake up in the night shivering and physically getting sick over the side of my bed because I was scared that I was never going to wake up.

“If I had a panic attack in bed, I would sleep on my sofa for three weeks and if I had a panic attack on my sofa, I would sleep in bed for three weeks and wouldn’t go into the living room.

“Everything was so new to me. I just couldn’t understand it.”

O’Brien thanks ex-Newport boss Michael Flynn and assistant Wayne Hatswell, along with former Exiles team-mates Matty Dolan and Mickey Demetriou for helping him through tough times.

O’Brien, now 29, is back at Newport in a player care role thanks to his decision to ask for help.

“I spoke with a counsellor and it was something I never knew I needed, it made me comfortable actually speaking about it,” he said.

“To be in the role that I’m in now, I’m thankful to have gone through what I’ve gone through. It’s given me a career – it’s given me light at the end of the tunnel.

“I’m not saying I’m totally fixed and I never struggle, but I have struggled to [a point] where I can cope and I’m a lot more open. If I do have a bad day, I’ll tell people – you’re allowing someone else in and you’re not in it on your own.”

Mental health crisis helplines

If you’re in crisis and need to talk right now, there are many helplines staffed by trained people ready to listen. They won’t judge you, and could help you make sense of what you’re feeling. 

Samaritans. To talk about anything that is upsetting you, you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call 116 123 (free from any phone), email jo@samaritans.org or visit some branches in person. You can also call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).

SANEline. If you’re experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day).

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK. Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7).

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.

Shout. If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you could text SHOUT to 85258Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help.

The Mix. If you’re under 25, you can call The Mix on 0808 808 4994 (3pm–midnight every day), request support by email using this form on The Mix website or use their crisis text messenger service.

Papyrus HOPELINEUK. If you’re under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm–10pm), email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697.

Nightline. If you’re a student, you can look on the Nightline website to see if your university or college offers a night-time listening service. Nightline phone operators are all students too.

Switchboard. If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you can call Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 (10am–10pm every day), email chris@switchboard.lgbt or use their webchat service. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+.

C.A.L.L. If you live in Wales, you can call the Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L.) on 0800 132 737 (open 24/7) or you can text ‘help’ followed by a question to 81066.

Helplines Partnership. For more options, visit the Helplines Partnership website for a directory of UK helplines. Mind’s Infoline can also help you find services that can support you. If you’re outside the UK, the Befrienders Worldwide website has a tool to search by country for emotional support helplines around the world.

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